Dr. Frech, My Daily Hell, and a Breakdown

I think that it is time that I do an update. I was holding off mainly for the hope that I could say I am feeling better and things are going great but I unfortunately cannot say that. Not much has happened since the end of January. I feel like things are going bad again and I feel sick all of time. I eat and have to instantly use the bathroom. I throw up a lot of the time and the pain has come back in my right upper quadrant. I am so dizzy every time I stand up. I am so frustrated.

I also want to mention that I met a girl at a boutique that has a gastric stimulator for gastroparesis. Her symptoms and mine are exactly the same. She found a Dr. back in Boston who was able to help her. She suggested that I send him my medical records and see what he thinks about my case. I will wait to see what Dr. Frech decides to do before I go in that direction.

I see Dr. Frech a few days after I see Dr. Rasmussen. I talk to him about everything that Dr. Rasmussen suggested and he shoots down every idea that Dr. Rasmussen suggested. He doesn't believe in the Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunciton so he doesn't think that’s the problem. He also believes that removing dairy from my diet is not a good idea. He actually wants me to increase my protein shakes to 3 times a day to try and get some weight on me.  He is leaning more towards the small bacterial overgrowth and decides that this might be the next route. He also decides to repeat my liver labs to see what is going on with my liver, since most of my pain is centered in that region. Depending on the results of the lab work, he may possibly order an MRI of the liver (already had a normal one done in February of 2013). He doesn't want to do any more invasive testing unless there is a very clear reason to do so. I am OK with this, but I also want answers. Nobody should have to go through what I have gone through to only continually feel miserable on a daily basis.

At this point, I finally hit my shutting down point for this first time in 9 months. I don’t remember much more of what was discussed at this appointment. I can’t even look at Dr. Frech because my eyes are filled with tears and I don’t want to look like a wuss. I feel like I have been so brave up to this point and have always tried to face what I am facing with a smile. I can’t. Not anymore. The tears flow rapidly and Dr. Frech seems lost as to what to even say to me. For the first time since all of this began, I feel completely and utterly hopeless and I think both of my Docs feel this way too. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this and after how things went today, this may be the long dark road I have to walk. I spend the drive home mostly in tears questioning everything. I can’t even think about my health without emotionally losing it. I don’t go back to work for fear of someone asking how my appointment went and losing it all over again. I am an emotional wreck and can’t seem to pull myself together. I am afraid that I am going to slip into dark depression and stop eating again. I am afraid of everything again.

I get my lab work done and feel like maybe I should contact the Dr. in Boston. At this point, I have absolutely nothing to lose. I spend the rest of the day gathering my medical record, which includes a second trip to Salt Lake and $40.00 later. I contact Dr. Yood’s office in Boston and they want to see my medical record. They will contact me once the Dr. goes through everything to see if there are any solutions he can offer me. I am not in any way shape or form unhappy with my Docs. I am grateful every day for them. I just don’t know where to go or what do at this point.

So currently, I am sending my records to the Dr. in Boston. I am waiting to hear from Dr. Frech’s office about my liver labs and if there will be any more testing ordered. I am always trying to eat more and keep it on the inside not the outside of my body. I see Dr. Rasmussen in a month and I don’t currently have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Frech.

Heaven help me, and fast!!