Where to go Now? Dr. R Follow Up

I have contemplated for a while if I should even do this blog update. Things aren't looking so great and I am really starting to get down and depressed. I am really tired of fighting this and always being told “I don’t know”.

I had my follow up with Dr. Rasmussen yesterday. We have decided to stop physical therapy because it is obviously not helping. The pain in my sides is worse and every time we did a physical therapy session it aggravated the pain. The physical therapist thinks that the pain in my right side is related to a buildup of scar tissue while the pain in my left side is not consistent with scar tissue and he is not sure what that problem is. So physical therapy has been stopped.

Dr. R also wants me to start taking another medicine called amitriptyline. This medicine is in the antidepressant family of drugs. However, it has also been used to treat chronic pain related to nerves. He thinks that a trial of this medicine might be of some benefit to me. He also wants me to start weaning myself off of the Norco if I can. I am becoming dependent on it and this is worrisome to him and me. His hope is that the amitriptyline will work and I won’t have to take anymore Norco.

Dr. R also wants me to change my vitamins a bit. I am supposed to start taking a vitamin B complex. This will include most of the B-vitamins in one pill vs. a different pill for each B. My B-12 level came back at 345 and the low number is 345, so I am sitting right on the fence of this one. The hope is that this will increase my energy level and help me to not be so exhausted in the evenings. He also wants me to try taking some melatonin at night to help me sleep. I think if I could get a few hours of sleep in a night, I would feel 100 times better.

My weight came in at 123 lbs. This is down 6 pounds from tube removal weight.  Dr. R was OK with this number and so am I. I am doing pretty well with eating. On a good day I am averaging between 800-1000 calories. I know it is not what it should be yet but I am getting better.

I have a complete melt down at this appointment as well. I told Dr. R I don’t want to be the boss anymore, I want someone else to just take charge and say this is what we are going to do and do it. I am so tired of being this strong person who has it all figured out and is so brave. I try to put on a face for people but I am having a hard time doing this lately. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted and just don’t know how much more I can take or handle.

I don’t feel like I am asking for a whole lot either. I am willing to live with some pain but not this extreme. It hurts to sit, to move, to lie down, to breathe, or to basically do anything. There has to be something that will resolve this pain and I don’t know if I have it in me to wait and figure this out.

So the plan for now is to make all these medication switches. I am supposed to see Dr. R again in 4 weeks for a follow up. He doesn't think that surgery at this point would be beneficial but this is not out of the cards yet. There is also another procedure that can be done to the nerves in my left side that involves injecting some numbing medication to calm the nerve then they go in and surgically find the nerve and take care of it. But these aren't options for now. Hopefully the medicines will begin to work and soon. I see Dr. Frech for his follow up in 2 weeks.