15 Month Reflection

I can’t believe how much my life has changed since June of 2013. When I look back on everything that has happened these past 15 months, I am overwhelmed. The first things that come to my mind aren't pleasant. I think of all the surgeries, hospital stays, tests, scans, needle pokes, feeding tubes, being put to sleep, how many people have seen me naked and exposed, and of course all the hundreds of Dr.’s visits to just name a few. This list doesn't begin to include everything required to get to making that decision 15 months ago.

Dr. Frech made a comment at my last office visit that prompted me to write this post. He said that where I am right now, he can’t truly say that we made the right decision all those months ago. He feels like at some point he may have let me down. But he also agrees that we didn't have any more options.

This is honestly how I feel about everything at this point and the decision that was made!

1.       I think that overall the right decision was made. I had no more options but to take out my stomach. If I decided to go against everything the Doctors were telling me at that point, I don’t know where I would be today.

2.       I feel like the weight loss is my reward for all the Hell I have been through. I lost a total of 105 lbs. Most of that happened in 6 months and the rest happened gradually over the remaining 9 months. I never in my life thought that I would have to worry about my weight. I was always on the heavier side. Now I also feel like I have an eating disorder. I am constantly obsessed with what I put in my mouth. If it’s something I shouldn't be eating I will spit it out. I count calories all day long. Food is not enjoyable to me anymore, it is a nuisance.

My favorite comparison of how I used look compared to now!

My daily fitness pal entries remind me I don't eat nearly enough!

3.       I am so thankful for my two Doctors. I am sure without them at this point I would probably be dead. They aren't your typical Docs. At least I feel like they really do care about what happens. They haven’t washed their hands of me yet.

4.       There are days where I do wonder why me. When I wake up and don’t feel good and can’t eat and the scale keeps going down and my pain is a little out of control I do wonder why I chose this route. But then I am quick to remember that it could always be worse and someone else’s shoes are heavier than mine. I may feel like my road is difficult at times, but I have my life and my family who supports me unconditionally.  

One of my favorite quotes through all of this!

5.       I do feel like the original problem was fixed. But fixing the original problem just created a new problem. I feel like my health is a domino effect. Never did anyone anticipate that I would have as many issues as I have had. They give you all the worst case scenarios and it never crossed my mind that I could fall into that category of people. I should have expected this given the statistics I was already starting with. I read somewhere that 2% of people who have their gallbladder removed will develop bile reflux and of that 2%, 99% of people respond to medication. Geeze I should have known!

So at this point, I can say mostly YES! The team made the right decision. Besides, there is no going back right!?